Name: Lonnisha
Grade Level: 11
Links to stories: Passion
Yahoo Instant Messenger: Don't have one.
Email Address: sac12_4ever@hotmail.com
How long have you been writing: Since I was 8.
Do you think from the time you started writing and now your style has changed: Very much over time; yes.
How often are you on the internet: Not much, just enough.
Why did you choose this group to apply for: Because I need people who can help me and criticize my work that I write and ideas.
Any additional hobbies that may pertain to helping the group: None that I know of.
What do you think a production is: A prduction is a group of people organized to make something out of nothing.
Give me something off the top of the head. Just a vivid descriptive of anything: "Just when I thought the happiness was back in our lives; you chop us down without a sound and our unborn child just cries, the love is a disappearing act and our reltionship is never enough; pleasing you is like winning the lottery and damn it's just so tough, how can you be so cruel to me, the soon to be mother of your child; i think i should just leave you alone and won't return for a while"
Would you be interested in a position such as president or vice president: Yes but it doesn't matter to me.

Bibi my email isn't working right now and I don't want to delay it any longer so this is your review. I'll send it to your email when I my email is working again.

Author: Brittiney aka Bibi
Author of: Lie About Us *Sam& Silence*, Try A Little Tenderness, and What Mommy Don't Know, Won't Hurt Her, Silent Admirer *all in siggy*

Cast:
A'Lyric Lyracis Marley
Chance
Twink (16) (fosta sis)
Trey
Rae (fosta sis) (17)
Marcus
Brandy (18) (new frend)
Jay
T (fosta cuz) (17)
Tye
Nene (sumwut frend) (17)
Thug
ShaRae (fosta mama) (34)
Kane (fosta dad) (36)
Rachael (Chance lil sis) (17)
Duron 18
Nikki (Chance lil sis) (17)
Carlos (18)
GBabe
Houston
Hillary/17
RaShad17
Born/ 25
Dude/ 21

Dear Readers,
It startd wen mi mama pastd. Mi mom,MaLiyah, wuz everything2 me and mi lil sista,Chasmere. Mi father wuz shot N da head by a drug lord name, Andres. I wuz born and raised in the Caribbean Islands known az Virgin Islands. One year wen I wuz 7 mi sista ,Mere who wuz 5, and mi mom took a trip2 Brazil. We wur sleep and mi mom knew Mere sleep walkd. Dat nite Mere sleep walkd N2 da Amazon River and wuz attacked and ate by a 14ft anaconda. I had2 take care of mi mom afta dat. She startd usin drugs such as coke, bay, herion, and everything. Wen I wuz 13 mi mom finally gave up and killd haself. She hung haself N mi bedroom….. I wuz instantly shipped2 a group home N Texas wur I got beat bcuz of eitha I wuz2 pretty, mi butt wuz2 big, mi eyez wur a light gray, I tawkd different, or eitha mi hair wuz longa. Mi fosta mom, Jennifer Kane, beat me4 dose xact reasons. I lookd betta den ha daughter, Jessica . I ranaway 3tymez and got caught bcuz I didn’t kno wur I wuz goin. I wuz 13 I didn’t kno nun about America cept dat it wuz America. I culd only indetify Miami, Mexico, and Texas. Datz it.........


Judging the off the top of the head excerpt to this. I'm guessing it's your first story so I won't go to far into it but if you expect to add this story to our reading list you will need to fix all the problems I list.

Like I said before I only go into the first add and if this story is novel then it shouldn't have a cast listed. I don't really know why you have a Dear Readers letter. Maybe you can explain the reason for that in a email back to me. But until then You want to just get the story started out and try not to talk to the readers while writing the story. Because they are already reading you know that.

Also in my letters to potential members I do rewrites and sometimes I tell why I changed things, sometimes I just wait for you to ask. So here we go.

Dear Readers,
It startd wen mi mama pastd. Mi mom,MaLiyah, wuz everything2 me and mi lil sista,Chasmere. Mi father wuz shot N da head by a drug lord name, Andres. I wuz born and raised in the Caribbean Islands known az Virgin Islands. One year wen I wuz 7 mi sista ,Mere who wuz 5, and mi mom took a trip2 Brazil. We wur sleep and mi mom knew Mere sleep walkd. Dat nite Mere sleep walkd N2 da Amazon River and wuz attacked and ate by a 14ft anaconda. I had2 take care of mi mom afta dat. She startd usin drugs such as coke, bay, herion, and everything. Wen I wuz 13 mi mom finally gave up and killd haself. She hung haself N mi bedroom….. I wuz instantly shipped2 a group home N Texas wur I got beat bcuz of eitha I wuz2 pretty, mi butt wuz2 big, mi eyez wur a light gray, I tawkd different, or eitha mi hair wuz longa. Mi fosta mom, Jennifer Kane, beat me4 dose xact reasons. I lookd betta den ha daughter, Jessica . I ranaway 3tymez and got caught bcuz I didn’t kno wur I wuz goin. I wuz 13 I didn’t kno nun about America cept dat it wuz America. I culd only indetify Miami, Mexico, and Texas. Datz it.........


Before I even start typing. What started when your mother passed away? Include that in your writing. We want to always use correct grammar useless the person talking in the story using this kind of language and it should always be in "" in novels and come being the : after his name in a script. What is the name of the drug lord important. Was your father involved in drugs himself. What did your father mean to you? Answer those questions and if valid include them in your text. Why is where the character from important in this text? We were all seven once a time ago One year when I was seven doesn’t make sense atless not to me it sound ignorant. Earlier in the text it says your mother is dead. So this makes it confusing if your speaking of your real mother then you can start the text off with this. O.k. It wouldn’t be right to say your mother knew Chasmere slept walked because then you excuse your mother of being a bad mother because she wasn’t watching her. If you want to use Chasmere was eaten by an anaconda you can because this is fiction nothing’s wrong with that. The thing is you atless have to try to make it believable so you need to list something like you guys went camping in Brazil. Try researching, I do it all the time before I add certain things in your story. Note what camping sites are in Brazil make up one if you have too. Does Brazil even have anacondas? I don’t know, I’m asking seriously do they? Where you guys in different tents? Do you think Chasmere being eaten caused your mother to kill herself. And if so do you blame for letting Chasmere die and leaving you alone in the world. What is the character’s name by the way. I have no idea. What weird things did your mother killing herself in your room make you feel? It most definitely causes some problems in a child’s life. If your mother killed herself in your room. Out of all places your room. That signifies her mother blaming her for having to kill herself. Also kids like this don’t know they’re pretty. Even if everyone they met tells them they still think their the ugliest person in the whole because all these things are happening to them. How does the kid know that her step mother thinks she is prettier than her daughter. Did she tell her? Or does she just have instincts. If that’s the case use a narrator and tell the story like that. Because her knowing all of that doesn’t make sense. Oh you can say everyone always told me this and everytime someone would say it i would see jennfier’s face i can’t think of a word right now but mess up draw up. I have to go right now but that’s pretty much everything you have a big big imagination so use that rewrite this and send it to me. When all that is done we’ll talk more about you being apart of Clandestine.



It startd wen mi mama pastd. Mi mom,MaLiyah, wuz everything2 me and mi lil sista,Chasmere. Mi father wuz shot N da head by a drug lord name, Andres. I wuz born and raised in the Caribbean Islands known az Virgin Islands. One year wen I wuz 7 mi sista ,Mere who wuz 5, and mi mom took a trip2 Brazil. We wur sleep and mi mom knew Mere sleep walkd. Dat nite Mere sleep walkd N2 da Amazon River and wuz attacked and ate by a 14ft anaconda. I had2 take care of mi mom afta dat. She startd usin drugs such as coke, bay, herion, and everything. Wen I wuz 13 mi mom finally gave up and killd haself. She hung haself N mi bedroom….. I wuz instantly shipped2 a group home N Texas wur I got beat bcuz of eitha I wuz2 pretty, mi butt wuz2 big, mi eyez wur a light gray, I tawkd different, or eitha mi hair wuz longa. Mi fosta mom, Jennifer Kane, beat me4 dose xact reasons. I lookd betta den ha daughter, Jessica . I ranaway 3tymez and got caught bcuz I didn’t kno wur I wuz goin. I wuz 13 I didn’t kno nun about America cept dat it wuz America. I culd only indetify Miami, Mexico, and Texas. Datz it.........



first rewrite
I had never felt such pain than before my mother passed away. Her name was MaLiyah. She was everything a good and true mother was to myself and my sister Chasmere. My father was shot in the head by a drug lord name Andres. I was born and raised in the Caribbean Island also known as the Virgin Islands. When I was seven, Chasmere was five, and my stepmother took us on a trip to Brazil. We were sleeping and my mom knew Chasmere sleep walked. That night Chasmere was sleep walked into the Amazon River and was attacked and eaten by a fourteen foot anaconda. After that I had to take care of my mother. She started to use drugs. Coke, bay, herion were just a few of her fixes. When I turned thirteen my mom finally gave up and killed herself. She hung herself in my bedroom. I was instantly shipped to a group home in Texas where I got beat for any reason they could find to beat me. I ranaway three times.

You don't have to try out again Lonnisha I reded you by myself I sent a message to your story. I will however do a review of your story because It's been awhile since I did. Have you started the Grey Zone?

Okeey dokey [does so right now]

_{oooohhhh okay....my bad...no ma'm.....i haven't...i've had writer's block with that story.}

upz!

upz!

I hope im not too late 2 apply

Name:Nichelsea aka Nicky
Grade Level:freshman in college
Links to stories*~*TOO DEEP IN THE GAME*~*(A PLEASURE STORY)
Yahoo Instant Messenger:Spectacularscutie18
Email Address:spectacularscutie18@yahoo.com
How long have you been writing?since I was 15 but improving as I continue to write more.
Do you think from the time you started writing and now your style has changed?yes my writing is chaning alot due to see others writing style
How often are you on the internet?Alot
Why did you choose this group to apply for:For more ways of writing and learning what can be done as a writer.And also someone is welling to give me good or bad criticism of my writing.
Any additional hobbies that may pertain to helping the group:Shopping and hanging out with friends
What do you think a production is?A production is an organizion with an idea going from bottom to the top.
Give me something off the top of the head. Just a vivid descriptive of anything."Walking out the door thinking I couldnt believe what was just happen.Did I see what I think I saw??Was I actually in the same room where secrets were being told??Hearing my husband calling my name I refuse to answer him back.Half way to my car he grabbed my arm demanding for my attention.I stared him in his eyes wondering when was he going to tell me all this?When was he going to see that one day his secret lust affair was going to come out?I felt the guiltness all over his body but there was nothing left to say.I felt like Leon from The Best Man,just hurt and uncomfortable."
Would be interested in a position such as president or vice president?Yeah but I rather work for that postion

Oh no Nicky you're good.

upz!

quote:

Name: Tomeela
Grade Level: out
Links to stories
Yahoo Instant Messenger neyosgurl2006
Email Address: ENYOSGURL2006@YAHOO.COM
How long have you been writing? 5 yrs
Do you think from the time you started writing and now your style has changed? yes
How often are you on the internet? always
Why did you choose this group to apply for: To meet new ppl and to be able to try different ways of thinking as a writer
Any additional hobbies that may pertain to helping the group:
What do you think a production is? A group of ppl working together as a team to make something work.
Give me something off the top of the head. Just a vivid descriptive of anything. Rain, rain is the channel that no one wants to turn to.
A series of bad signals that no one wants to belong to.
Yet it purifies and brings purpose for the next sunny day.
As my tears reach the edge of my nose
They fall to meet the rains' reflection from the ground.
In that same breath when cupid shot me down.
So fast I wondered how, you could not
See through the storm what life has in store for you.
But in order to see sunshine in the end
There would have to be rain in the beginning

Would be interested in a position such as president or vice president? yes

This message has been edited. Last edited by: pliesbustitbabii/DSCmember,

upz!

upz!

Name:Nastashia
Grade Level:in college
Links to stories none posted
Yahoo Instant Messenger bnagoddess05
Email Address:bnagoddess05@yahoo.com
How long have you been writing? 10yrs
Do you think from the time you started writing and now your style has changed? it's more personal and more intact with ppls emotions
How often are you on the internet? most of my life lol
Why did you choose this group to apply for: i want to make a commitment to writing try to expand my talent..keep me on my p's and q's so to speak
Any additional hobbies that may pertain to helping the group: ima good writer...wonderful leader :-D
What do you think a production is? i think a production is something composed of hard work and exposed to ppl as a work of art to be reckoned with
Give me something off the top of the head. Just a vivid descriptive of anything. ...she walked down the stranded hallway, with fear in heart that slowly but surely made its way from the pit of her stomach to her legs. She was in shock and couldnt manage to walk one more step as the tears started to cascade down her delicate face.(not much but off the top) lol
Would be interested in a position such as president or vice president? sure i think i would be a good president or vice president im good at handling affairs and such

<sub>Name: Nicole

Grade Level:11th

Links to stories: Fatal Desire

Yahoo Instant Messenger: Mickey5872000

Email Address: Mickey5872000@yahoo.com

How long have you been writing? Well, i started couple years ago. But i offically put my first story on here.

Do you think from the time you started writing and now your style has changed? Yes, because i believe improvement.

How often are you on the internet? Everyday.

Why did you choose this group to apply for: Because, i feel as though i would be able to get along with everyone, and i could get more help to improve my writing skills.

Any additional hobbies that may pertain to helping the group: Well, helping people in grapic making. (I think..lol)

What do you think a production is? I think a production is something where people with the same skills come together as one to bulit a unit together, and to keep it processing to help it grow.

Give me something off the top of the head. Just a vivid descriptive of anything. "Be yourself, don't try to be someone your not. In the long run you will see your future as long you learn, believe in yourself, and don't let noone tell you differently"

Would be interested in a position such as president or vice president? No, because i think im not at the type of level just yet.</sub>